My stats page, and a few friends, have reminded me that it has been 4 months since my last blog post. What you don’t know is that I actually had 4 drafts written, so really I have averaged 1 blog post per month, you just can’t see them. I would post them now, but 3 out of 4 aren’t really relevant anymore, so I’ll just sum it all up in this post. Let’s just pretend it is January 1st and not February 11th.
It’s hard to judge an entire year since so many things, both good and bad, can happen over the course of 365 days. I would make a pro and con list, but that’s a little too type A for me. I’m high-strung like a type A, but I have the chaotic organizational skills of a type B. According to my husband, I am a type B+.
All in all, personally and professionally, 2015 was a difficult year. My job was stressing me out, my family life was not what it used to be, and despite paying off our debt, money was still a concern. The hardest part of all was what I learned about myself. For what seemed like the first time in my life, people were honest with me about my faults, and it stung. I actually got a real sting from a wasp at Dollywood in September, but this sting to my ego hurt worse.
I learned I was a Debbie Downer. Or if you didn’t watch SNL in the early 2000s, Negative Nancy. I was so stressed out and unhappy at work that I spewed out my frustrations like word vomit at my co-workers, my husband, and close family and friends. I thought I was letting off steam with people who would sympathize, but I was really just bringing everyone down with me. My husband had been telling me for a while that all I did was complain, but I thought that was a typical husband response, so I didn’t take him seriously. It wasn’t until I was told by someone at work that my negativity was affecting the people around me that I realized I had become someone I never thought I was or wanted to be.
I was angry at first. Only my husband had ever told me I was too negative. I even considered myself an optimist. But as I began reliving conversations from the past few years in my head, I realized that person was right. My husband was right. I did complain a lot, and I wouldn’t want to hang around me either.
I didn’t want to be Debbie Downer. I don’t believe God created me to be a negative person. I became one in response to my frustrations about my job. That meant I could change.
The way I looked at it, there were two changes I could make. I could stay at my job and try harder to be positive, or I could leave my job and try something I might be happier doing. I went with option B. Not because I didn’t think I could change my attitude, but because I knew the circumstances that caused me so much stress in the first place were not likely to change. I could alter my outward persona, but would I really be any happier inside?
Despite 2015’s hardships, I came out a better person on the other side. I really am thankful for those honest individuals who allowed me to see what I couldn’t. We need well-meaning people like that in our lives. People who love you don’t criticize to hurt you. They say it because they care about you. They care about the people your actions affect. They want you to learn from your mistakes. And they are rooting for you to succeed.
After a couple months of job [and soul] searching, I began pursuing a career as a real estate agent in November. I am currently waiting for my application to be approved by the Tennessee Real Estate Commission before I can begin my new career. With the exception of getting married, I have never felt as excited about making a change in my life as I do about this one. I am in a happy place now. My husband can attest to that.
At Home in Music City 